For all intensive purposes, the Milwaukee Brewers out of the race to get to the playoffs. BP’s Playoff Odds pin them as having less than a 1 in 200 chance at making the postseason, and the pitching isn’t going to improve too much anytime soon — Dave Bush may be back for the rest of the year, but then again, so is Jeff Suppan.

With this year’s playoff hopes coming to a close, players and managers are starting to send letters to the rest of the team, alerting them on their progress and intentions as next year and beyond becomes the focal point of the Crew’s direction. Doug Melvin recently sent an exclusive letter to all important staff and players on the team about the direction of Milwaukee. Through people I know at my internship at Fox Sports Wisconsin, I was able to obtain a copy of the letter. Here’s an exclusive look at what Dougie had to say to his team. This is copied word for word I swear:

Dear Friends,

As another season starts drawing to a close, I just wanted to thank you all for the successfull year we had. We have been drawing record numbers to the ballpark and our following continues to grow. Overall I’ve been really pleased with the effort this ballclub and its staff have shown throughout the season. With that said, our season was unsuccessful in the regard that we didn’t make the playoffs. In this letter, I want to address the parts of the organization that need to improve if we hope to win the World Series.

The most obvious thing that everybody’s been talking about is the starting pitching. You guys have been great for us this year, you really have. Your leadership and perseverance through some tough time has really impressed me and the rest of the players on the team. Unfortunately, fans were angry at you guys for the millions of dollars you make to supposedly shit the bed, and I had to make someone the scapegoat. Luckily for you guys, I made sure to not bruise your multimillion dollar spirits and fired Bill Castro instead. Anything for you guys.

One can only hope that our immense pool of pitching talent can propel us forward into a contender. While our ERAs may not look good, morale is strong! Braden, when you won the “Jason Kendall Lookalike Contest” in the clubhouse, and started cating like a crazy lumberjack, I couldn’t stop laughing! Whipping out a chainsaw and trying to buzz off the head of Cammy for not catching one of your gopher balls was hilarious.

You know what else I love about you guys? Walks. Guys on base is intense. It makes the game more entertaining. Trying to see you guys work out of a 3-1 jam with the bases loaded up by a run is exhilarating. Sure, you end up walking the guy or giving up a meatball or something, but who cares? It was really fun while it lasted. Jeff, this is why I give you $44 million dollars — you’re the most exciting player on the team. I can’t wait to have you back next year. Manny, you’re almost quite at Soup’s level — really, I only drafted you because I thought you were that one goofy longhair’s son. It turns out you were a pitcher, so you know. We’ll row with the punches.

If there’s one thing fans love, it’s runs. That’s why we have you, Prince and Ryan, and you, Carlos. But, enough about this year, let’s talk about next year.

Jeff, if you don’t shape up by the end of the year, you’re going the same route that Billy Hall took earlier this year.
Manny, you’re still cool with me. I think you’ll bounce back, and we’ll get a pitching coach who will teach you to be an actual smart pitcher.
Braden, I secretly hope to trade you before this year is done, but if that’s not possible we’ll just throw you to the wayside. Same goes for you Trevor.
Cammy, you’re too expensive for us now. We’ll offer you arbitration, but you won’t want it and you’ll instead deservedly make your money somewhere else, like in New York or something.
J.J., you’re not useful to us anymore. I got sick of you as soon as we had to send you to AAA. And, oh yeah, I did screw with your service time and screwed you out of millions of dollars. All in a day’s work.
Jason, you won’t be on the team next year unless our youngins have no idea how to call a game. Even if you do get called back to be with us, you’ll be in a backup role, helping the young guys along the way.
Todd, watching you spring to the diamond makes me feel great about my physique. And I’ve never played baseball. Or any sport, for that matter.
Yovani, mind if you become the staff ace for the next 4-5 years while we learn to develop pitching? Don’t get hurt and we’ll take good care of you. Sound good?

I look forward to the future of this ballclub and I think we can provide prime entertainment for the fans as we look forward to our first World Series birth since 1982. We’re all in this together and I know we can persevere and make it through this tough month and keep an eye on 2010. Thanks and have a wonderful season!

Sincerely,

Doug “Moustachio” Melvin

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milwaukee brewers by Cody